Our top story tonight:
Mark Hatten, who briefly dated human pharmaceutical study and current worm buffet Anna Nicole Smith, has his sights on a new prize. You guessed it, Paris Hilton. Unless you guessed someone else, but you’re an idiot if haven’t figured out that 99% of all entertainment stories are about Paris Hilton. Hatten wrote a handwritten note (how dreamy) to Paris, inviting her to join him at his “Welcome Home Party”. He’s being welcomed home because he’s serving a six-year prison sentence in California for assault. Hatten also served time for threatening to kill Anna Nicole when they were dating and for beating the shit out of her neighbors. And guess what ladies…he’s single!
The entire letter to Paris can be read here How sweet, doesn’t look fake or staged at all!
Like my dead body?
In another story, CBS’ show The Insider has told us here at The Entertainment Stain! That the Spice Girls have decided to reunite for an upcoming world tour. But they’re not going it alone this time, along with Satan’s minions there’ll be a group therapist. A “Spicy” spokesperson for the girls told us that "This tour will be massive and record bosses do not want anything getting in the way - least of all the girls themselves. They want Girl Power to come back in style, not end in arguments between the girls. So taking a therapist along to smooth out any problems makes sense.”
Yes, the record bosses want Girl Power or Female Power or Brit Power or whatever “Power” it takes to ensure that the girls get along, have a great time, fulfill themselves spiritually and don’t fuck up any chance of making them very rich. In addition to a therapist, the Spice Girls will also bring along a hypnotist to make them forget they are the Spice Girls.
Posh Spice, looking more like an animatronic hooker every day
Next up: Lindsay Lohan can read!
Yes, it's true, and not only the back of her expired Percodan bottles, real books. And not just any books, she's reading the classics. She recently told us in our studio (which is my garage) that Machiavelli's "The Prince" is her "constant companion" and newest bestest friend forever. She told TMZ.com, and I quote
"I was going out with someone and they said I should read Machiavelli and I was like, 'nah,' and then I was like, 'OK, I'll read it' and now it is always with me."
What Lindsay didn't realize was that she had the book "The Prince" mixed up with another, more important Prince. Whoopsie-Daisy!
"So from this arises an argument: whether it is better to be loved than feared, or to know what it sounds like when doves cry"
Lastly:
OMFG Clay Aiken in airline spat!
It's true, Clay Aiken was allowed to board an airplane after several frustrating hours trying to prove to airline security he was in fact a male. Once on the plane, his frustrations boiled over when Clay put his foot on a ladies' arm rest. FBI Special Agent Gary Johnson told the Tulsa World News that the man "was a former "American Idol" contestant" but couldn't remember him at all.
No injuries were reported and Clay was able to make it to Tulsa's 4th annual Hot Dog Cook-Off and Ox Pull to perform. He actually joked about the incident on stage, and was assured that the reason why everyone kept laughing during the show was because his joke was so funny. Yay Clay!
"Hey Tulsa, ever get that 'not so fresh' feeling?"
That concludes another masterpiece! Stay tuned next week for another sassy edition of The Entertainment Stain!
"Our top story tonight, Britney's nose ring has...I...I'm sorry, I...I just can't do this anymore, I mean, I'm almost 60 years old for fuck's sake."
1 comment:
Tut, tut, Dog! People whose wives need steel brassieres shouldn't throw stones. I didn't see you write up Beth's airline tussle which ended in y'all being escorted off the plane. At least it was just Clay's foot! Beth's potty mouth is what got you in trouble that time!
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