The Entertainment Stain! Vol. 3

Welcome to another snooty-licious edition of the Entertainment Stain! The celebrity gossip column that’s as accurate as an American’s knowledge of world history! Let’s not mince, crush or sautee any more words and just let the news speak for itself ok? OK? Ok then.

Sooooo, like, the website TMZ states that in the latest issue of GQ, Matt Damon talks about how, when they were younger, he and Ben Affleck wanted to buy the exact same car. But each tried to talk the other out of it, "Because we knew it would just be so gay to get the same car." TMZ issued this response to Damon’s statement:

“TMZ had qualms with the usage of the word "gay" -- since it's not exactly politically correct to use the word "gay" to mean "bad" or "negative."

Yes, shame on you Matt Damon and thank you TMZ for upholding the morals and standards that only a web site that shows pictures of celebrity piss stains can possess.







"How come every time you come around my bladder bladder lets go?"








Moving on:

Huh?!?&^ The BBC reports that Germany has banned the makers of Tom Cruise's new movie from filming at military sites in the country because the actor is a Scientologist. In other reports, John Travolta has had his latest movie shut down in the Czech Republic because he's a fucking idiot!

Cruise will play Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg in Valkyrie, leader of the 1944 plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler using a bomb hidden in a briefcase, scheduled for release next year. How ironic! If Cruise were a Nazi and not a Scientologist, he’d probably be allowed to shoot in those precious locations! Too bad Scientology is basically Nazism with sex appeal! Don’t give up Tommy, send a message to Katie through the toaster that you need her support, that’s if you haven’t already performed the Scientology ceremony of sewing your wife to your back.













"Hmmm, think we should make them pay to join? Nahhh, that'd be really fucked up"

Next up:

An eBay seller is auctioning off a seven foot cardboard cutout of Mel Gibson. The seller states that the cutout was “used in a tv show”. That’s funny, we thought it was used to scare Jews from traveling to Mago Island off of Fiji, which he bought in 2004. Yes, Mel Gibson owns an island. Bidding starts at $20 so take your hand out of your pants and get ready to click on “Buy it Now!”


















"You do know that the entire cardboard cutout and bristol board industry is controlled by the Jews don't you?"

Britney Spears is in the process of shooting another video. It’ll be a dramatic departure style wise from her earlier videos because she’s matured, seen more of the world, and looks like she’s just enrolled in the Anna Nicole Smith School of Career Suicide for Inbreeders.








"I just went potty *giggle*"








In sports news, Chile’s foreign minister says he will file a formal complaint to Ottawa over what he called “unjustified aggression” by Toronto police when they scuffled with Chilean footballers at a FIFA Under-20 World Cup match,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…Ahhhhh shit you slay me Chile, you really do. Hey, want to know who else Chile slays? Political opposition and student protestors! So Chile, how about you focus on playing soccer and shut the fuck up?









"Tha UN just don't unda-stand"







Breaking News! Lindsay Lohan successfully made a left turn at an intersection! It’s true, she used her blinker and barely scraped a mailbox but didn’t hit any buildings or people so she was able to coast to the local police station to surrender herself without any further incidents. I smell a Nobel Prize in the works!

Book your tickets now folks, Nicholas Cage is slated to star in the sequal to the thrill a minute, intellectual thriller, National Treasure. National Treasure: Book of Secrets will be released in December. It rejoins Benjamin Franklin Gates (Cage) as he tries to unravel the turth behind the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. I fell asleep five minutes into the first one but this one proves to be an amazing adventure wrapped in an orgasm!

By the way, Cage insisted that his treasure hunter character be named "Benjamin Franklin Gates" because he was worried American audiences wouldn't be able to figure out what his character did for a living. He's probably right. In Cage's next movie he plays a serial sex offender whose name is "Fister P. Rapeboy"













"I got offered that 'Captain Canuck' movie, what do ya think?"

And finally,

Silverchair frontman Daniel Johns retracted his statement that he, Bono and Australian MP Peter Garrett lay on a bed together smoking joints listening to Silverchair’s new album. Bono was quoted as saying “That is absolute rubbish, I’d never listen to Silverchair”.

That concludes another well spent four minutes! Stay tuned next week when we're on location in Paris digging up Jim Morrison's grave to see if he has any killer hash still on him!