It's funny 'cause it's true
All I need to compliment the shirt is a motorcylce but think it still sends the message home on a BMX. While scouring all of the computer pages on the line I found this amazing little site called eBay. I emailed it to all of my friends because I think it has some potential. I couldn't believe all of the awesome stuff on there, I created an account and placed a few bids on some pretty cool items. And if I win any of the bids and don't feel like paying up, I don't think anyone will try to track down "mulletpower1234" due to fear and confusion. Could you believe that mulletpower1 had already been taken? I gave that guy an invisible tip of my monitor from across the ocean, wherever he may be. Spray on, hearty mulletman, spray on.
Here are some of the other items I'm trying to snag, I'll be the talk of Honolulu when I drive through town displaying all of these things with no known motive or reason!
1. Mona Lisa Created by Dryer
Yes, Da Vinci continues to amaze us with his inventions and innovations. The similarities to the famous painting is uncanny. Thank God Americans don't know how to empty a lint screen! For a mere $100 U.S. you too can own a piece of history, more valuable than Munch's The Scream, found in a pile of pubic hair behind a toilet in Arizona! When news of this phenomenon broke, reporters scrambled to get a statement from Da Vinci expert Dan Brown. He told Fox News, and I quote "Uhhh, what's this about? I'll have to have my wife research it for me before I write or say or rip anybody off about it but rest assure, I will make money from this". Buy it now! Now!
2. Lord of The Eternal Woody
This piece of cyprus is all natural, no, it's not something you can buy at San Francisco. For $500 you can have this baby on your mantle as a conversation starter. That is, if all of your conversations start with "So, I was in the woods the other day looking for something to jam up my ass..." Impress your friends and family by telling them it's a piece of modern art and they couldn't possibly understand your need to express yourself because they are just lowly mortals and you are someone who really gets it.
3. John Lennon's Glasses
The glasses that John Lennon wore during the Beatles' 1966 Japanese tour have been thrown on the auction block for 750,000 U.K. Pounds. I have no idea what that means, "Ukraine", maybe? Hell, could be "Urine Kite" for all I know. Sounds like a pretty penny though. It's good to know that we refuse to let dead celebrities rest in peace without whoring off every last shred of dignity that they held dear. Why, this evening I think I just might break into Rita Hayworth's coffin and rip all of her jewelry off. It's my God-given right as an American and a fan of movies in general. Anyone who says different is a pagan and possibly gay.
This whole thing got me thinkin' about letting my fans get a piece of me in an online auction. So I figure I'll put a set of my world famous sun glasses on sale, which I just did while I was typing that sentence. I can multi-task like an octopus on E when I want to.
4. Famous Coke Sign Seen in The Fugitive Movie
The description for this item reads:
"This Coca Cola Sign must be sold. It was in the movie The Fugitive...the building is across the street from the one arm man...it is made of metal".
Of course! Now I remember that famous scene, it was right after the scene where Harrison Ford was running! And since it "must be sold", I better give this man his $2,500 asking price plus the cost of driving to Chicago and picking it up. God bless you sir, you have preserved a piece of movie history that everyone will now be able to enjoy when they go into the storage room in my basement.
Well, looks like I got a busy few days ahead of me, picking all of these items up and spreading the cost over my seventeen credit cards so Beth doesn't become wise. Keep putting those gems online and I'll keep bidding on them because quality doesn't matter if I've never owned one before, remember that, it makes sense.
No comments:
Post a Comment