The Entertainment Stain! Vol.4

Welcome to another erotic contribution to society! Yessir it’s the Entertainment Stain! The Entertainment News column that not only handles the truth, it manhandles it baby. It makes TMZ.com look like just another trashy gossip web site. So what are we waiting for? I’ll tell you, for me to come up with some ideas! Ok, ready? Let’s go!

“So You Think You Can Dance” judge / professional banshee Mary Murphy, recently received a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Heritage Dance Classic. The Heritage Dance Classic is where people dress up like Pilgrims and dance around a turkey while spitting on Native Americans, its fun for the whole family! The Entertainment Stain! attempted to get a statement from Murphy regarding her award but unfortunately our recording equipment wasn’t set on the “bat” frequency. In related news, Mary will be starring in a new reality series called “Whale Whaddya Know?” Where she’s forced to be roomies with a beluga whale. It’s like the original Odd Couple only with lots of plankton. Sure to be a hit!













Mary during an uncharacteristically calm moment

TV Shocker!!!!! Pirate Master, the CBS sail-away hit has been cancelled! I’ve set up an online petition at our sister-site http://www.showmeyourchestofzanzibar.com So we can get this thing back on the air. C’mon people, you know we can do it! Remember when all of those workers who protested for minimum wage and safe working conditions back when factories made nothing but textiles? Well Pirate Master is our minimum wage.


Unfriendly Skies? John Travolta, who recently claimed the Scientology title of having “audited” more than 6,000 children, has sued the owners of the Florida airport where he's looking to land his jumbo jet, claiming that they falsified their 2006 records to show that the landing field could not accommodate large planes. They did this because they did not want their airfield becoming bumpy from the hoards of corpses Travolta plans to bury there in the coming years. Plus, airline passengers have complained that Travolta’s Boeing 707 smells like cabbage and instead of exit signs in the cabin were replaced with signs reading “Have You Lived Before This?”















"Welcome to Travolta Air, today's movie will be Battlefield Earth, extra air sickness bags have been provided"

Britney Spears meltdown bla bla Ok! Magazine bla bla bla…lets just start the countdown until we find her rigid, blue corpse chained to a radiator outside of Vegas with a syringe hanging limply out of her neck shall we?

The Entertainment Stain! is brought to you by Sheri’s Cabaret in downtown Las Vegas. Friends of The Entertainment Stain! stay in the luxurious hostel of their choosing. Remember, when visiting Sheri’s Cabaret, remember the rules: no touching, have at least $30 per hour on you if you’re sitting right at the stage and keep your spit aimed at the spittoons, we can’t stress this enough.

Beyonce Accident Scare! Heavy Metal superstar Beyonce had a close call the other night when she fell down a flight of stairs during her performance of “Ring the Alarm”. After wiping her brow with a million dollar bill she politely asked concert goers to “please not post this on the internet”. Don’t worry Beyonce, we got yer back here at the Entertainment Stain! Don’t worry about leaking any sex videos either, I know they’d never make it to the internet.

Tom Cruise Sexy Extortion Scheme! David Hans Schmidt has been arrested by the FBI on Tuesday for his role in trying to blackmail Tom Cruise by trying to sell him photos from his own wedding. The FBI sure has their shit together don’t they? Never mind the fact that we’ll probably all be dead in 10 years from a terrorist attack, the FBI knows where the real traitors are: people making a quick buck from looney-tune actors. To be fair, the photos were pretty damaging, they depicted Cruise holding little Suri into the air and then barbequing her for the wedding feast.

That’s a wrap! Until next time, Keep on rockin’ in what they tell us is the free world!